We mostly think about life in terms of milestones.
- Year of birth (and every year after that)
- Year we graduated high school, college, Masters, MBA, PhD, Law, Medicine etc.
- Our first love
- Our first heartbreak
- Our first job
- The first thing bought with our first paycheck
- Meeting “the one”
- Our wedding year (and every year after that)
- Our firstborn’s year of birth (and every year we give birth after that)
- Our first resignation
- Our first house, car, or any other major purchase with our hard earned money and/ or loan
- Our first move to another city
- Our first life failure
And the list goes on and on and on and on…
Majority of the above entails a positive impact in our life. It consists of our noteworthy “highs” while some consists of our “lows”, those times we were in the gutter, drowning in our sorrows and pain.
Notice from the above that I wrote mostly highs and not lows. I read in an Anthony Robbins book that one of the fundamental human behaviors is moving towards pleasure and avoidance of pain.
Truly so, and for good reason. Why would anyone want to relive a heartbreak? We’d rather reminisce those kilig moments with our first ever high school crush.
It makes me think about those moments I felt the saddest, the deepest, darkest, gloomiest, roughest, soul-crushing kind of sadness where I feel the need to cry and tears roll incessantly down my cheeks…
Those moments I listen to a purging playlist over and over and revel in the downcast state of my soul, where I feel like hope and happiness no longer exist.
I feel that sadness, like in the movie “Inside Out”, is not bad in itself and should never be subverted in any way. It shouldn’t be forced out by happiness and should be allowed at the forefront, lived out to the point where we don’t feel sad anymore. It should be made king for that particular period or moment or week or day or month or year where we feel like being sad.
As the age-old adage goes, “Time heals all wounds..” and sadness is no exception. Time heals sadness, but before time can do so, sadness should be allowed to live, live in our soul, in our eyes, in our hearts. It should be followed at all costs. Cry those tears. Scream if you must. Grieve. Just be.
Don’t be afraid of it. Let it flow. Let it be seen. Let it go.
For it is in sadness that we feel truly alive, that all our senses are heightened by that which made us sad. We feel more of who we are, what we need, what we have lost, what we hope to gain, where we want to go, and who we want to become.
Sadness purges us of emotions that need to be heard, and more importantly, felt. Those emotions we try to suppress thinking that we shouldn’t be sad, that its wrong to be sad.
And if you’re feeling that sadness is creeping up from your insides, allow yourself that moment to cry, to lock yourself in a room if you must and just let the tears flow. For it is in allowing our sadness to wash over us completely do we give justice to it.
For God made sadness too. And He made it for good reason, not to make us feel bad, but to show us our “truth”. The truth that not everything in life was made to be perfect and to make us feel happy.
God created us to experience loss and pain and suffering and sorrow and grief, because that makes us human. That makes us God’s kind of human – one who knows how to live through the highs AND also live through the lows. The kind of human who knows how to revel in triumphs and successes but also knows how to remain steadfast and faithful in failures and heartbreaks.
And as I continue to define sadness, I think about God. And I thank God. For if He did not give us this beautiful emotion of sadness, the kind of sadness we feel all the way to our core… we may never really know how it feels like to truly live.